Don't Get Lippy

by Patsy Collins
^{(creative writers at http://www.morewriting.co.uk)}

“So, how did it go, Geoff?” Lisa asked her husband, as he let himself into the house.

“Yes please, love,” he said. He noticed her puzzled expression. “Sorry, I was thinking about my writing group. The speaker was really interesting.”

“Oh, you listened to him, then?”

“Of course. Writers have to listen all the time; that’s one of the things the speaker was saying. Ideas can be anywhere. I don’t know where you get the idea I don’t listen.”

Lisa shrugged. “Would you like some tea?”

“Yes please, love,” he said very slowly and carefully, to make sure she understood him this time. Again he noticed her expression. “I’ll make it shall I?”

He handed Lisa the leaflet he’d been given about finding good subjects to write about and wandered into the kitchen.

Lisa read it. He’d been right; it did say that writers should listen. It also said that ideas which sounded exciting might not be and that sometimes it would be better to choose a less obvious subject. The sheet quoted as an example the horrendous sounding medical condition, pityriasis rosea and a small plastic clip; which would the group choose to write about? The leaflet pointed out that the medical condition was really a harmless rash, the plastic clip played a vital role in keeping aircraft in the sky. At first glance, the clip might not have sounded promising, but it might well provide inspiration for a dramatic story.

“I can’t wait to get started on my next project,” Geoff called.

“What is it?”

“We were given a list of words to pick from and write a story about. Most of us didn’t know what any of them meant, but he said that didn’t matter, we could research them.”

“What word did you choose?”

“That’s where I was clever,” he said like an author nominated for the Booker prize. “The list was divided into medical conditions, plant names and different types of plastic clips. Which do you think I chose?”

“Was one of the plants something poisonous?”

“No. I didn’t think of that.”

“A new cure for cancer?”

“No,” Geoff sounded slightly annoyed. “I selected a medical condition. The speaker had mentioned that earlier, and straight away I thought of someone with a life-threatening condition who has a large family to provide for. He’d be rushing for treatment and there’ll be a disaster and he nearly won’t make it. Then there’ll be an extremely tense surgical scene and then a touchingly emotional one as his family wait for the news.”

“That does sound good. What’s the condition? Maybe I can help with the research?”

“Thanks, love. I knew you’d want to help, that’s why I chose the condition I did. I remember you talking about it. There’s no point in having a pathologist for a wife if I don’t use her experience in my writing, is there?”

“I’d have thought there were plenty of advantages to having me as a wife, whatever my profession and your hobby.” Lisa said that at a volume that even Geoff couldn’t avoid listening to.

“Yes. Sorry. Anyway, the point I was trying to make, is that you’d told me about this condition and I listened.”

Lisa smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap; it’s just that sometimes I feel you don’t take any notice of me and the real world because you’re too busy concentrating on your stories.”

They hugged and sat quietly for a while drinking their tea.

“So, what’s this medical condition, then?” Lisa asked.

“Lipoma. Do you remember telling me about it?”

“Yes, I do. Do you?”

Geoff heard the warning in her voice.

“Of course, well, not all the details. Perhaps I could ask you a few questions?”

“Yes. Why don’t you write down the answers so I know you’re paying attention?”

“OK.” Geoff fetched a pen and notebook. He felt guilty, he remembered Lisa saying the word, ‘lipoma’. He’d been attempting to write poetry at the time and guessed his mind had wandered away from what she was saying and he’d been trying to find rhymes. Oklahoma would work. Oh dear, he was doing it again.

“How many sufferers die from it?” he asked.

“I shouldn’t imagine many of them would.”

“It wasn’t one of the bodies you were examining that had this?”

“No, Geoff. It wasn’t. It was me; still is.”

Geoff felt sick. Lisa had mentioned she’d found some kind of small lump a couple of months ago. He’d thought she’d said it was nothing. How could he not have listened about something so important? He took a deep breath. She said most people didn’t die of it; there was a chance she’d be OK.

“What’s the cure?”

“Usually there’s none.”

“But, I …”

“You weren’t listening when I told you about it, were you?”

Geoff shook his head. “I’m really sorry, love. It’s not that I don’t care. Please tell me about it now. I feel terrible that there’s something wrong with you and I didn’t take any interest.”

“It’s nothing really.”

Geoff relaxed a little; he’d thought that’s what she’d said.

“Are you sure?"

“Yes. I knew what it was because of my job, of course, but most people would want to see their GP to get a diagnosis. It’s just a small fatty lump. Mine’s on my shoulder, just under the skin, but they can occur anywhere, even internally.”

“And nothing can be done about them?”

“They can be removed, but usually there’s no need and it’s best to just leave them. Sometimes they might cause some pain if they’re on a nerve, or they might be distressing if they’re visible. I don’t think mine is particularly unsightly, but it’s only small and not in a noticeable position. I have examined people that had several or had them on their face or arms, I might feel differently mine was easily seen. In cases like that, they can be removed.”

“An operation?”

“A small one, which is done under local anaesthetic. The skin is lifted, the lipoma cut out and the skin stitched. There would only be a tiny scar. Usually there’s no need though.”

“What about internal ones, would they be more serious?”

“I don’t think most people would even know if they’d got one. They can sometimes cause trouble and so would be removed. If one was found then it might be removed to check it wasn’t cancerous.”

“So they can become cancerous?” Geoff’s concern for his wife cancelled out his excitement over a possible story line.

“It’s not at all likely. Some experts think it might be possible, but there isn’t any evidence it has ever happened. If there’s any doubt over the diagnosis, the doctor would check the lump to check it was really just a lipoma and not anything more serious.”

“And there’s no doubt about yours?”

“No, none.”

“Will it go away or change?”

“No, I don’t think so. It might get a bit bigger, but only very slowly. To be honest, I hardly notice it, but that’s because I know it’s nothing to worry about. If I wasn’t sure I’d have seen my GP and if it changes I’ll go and have it checked, but honestly, there’s no need to worry.”

“So these lipomas; don’t hurt, don’t make you ill, don’t need treatment?”

“That’s about it. Sorry, that’s not much good is it?”

“Of course it is; it’s excellent news. I wouldn’t want you to be in pain or needing unpleasant treatments.”

“Thanks, Geoff, but I meant for your story.”

“Oh. I see what you mean. Are they rare? Maybe I could make something out of that.”

“They’re quite common I’m afraid. About one in a hundred people have one or two. They can occur at any age to anyone. That’s not helping is it?”

“No, it’s no good at all. Can you imagine it? ‘Once upon a time our gallant hero got a lipoma, it was nothing to worry about, so after popping in to see the doctor to get it checked, he carried on just as usual. The End’. That’s not very exciting is it?”

“Not yet, but what difference did the visit to the doctors make? Maybe he saw something on his way back to work that he wouldn’t have otherwise witnessed?”

Geoff and Lisa discussed possibilities. Geoff listened carefully to every suggestion and eventually wrote an exhilarating story about a man whose visit to the doctors meant he saw a gang go into the bank and take the entire staff prisoner. The gallant hero rescued them all and foiled the evil gang.

“So, how did it go, Geoff?” Lisa asked her husband, as he let himself into the house after the next writing group meeting.

“Brilliant. They couldn’t believe that I’d managed to get a story out of such an uninteresting subject. I told them how it was all due to listening to my wife. Not that your great story ideas and help with research are your only good points off course.”

“Did I hear that right?”

“Shouldn’t think so, you never listen to a word I say.” Geoff winked as he said that and quickly offered to make the tea.