Treating Anal Fissures

by Nicky Phillips
^{(creative writers at www.morewriting.co.uk)}
One day when Jane went to the loo
It hurt a lot; she saw blood too
The next day was the same for Jane -
A little blood, a lot of pain

She knew that eating what she should
Would help to keep bowel motions good
You have to keep things fairly loose
And as to how? I'll give you clues!

A lot of fibre - wholegrain, bran
(Avoiding fast food when you can)
With loads of salad, fruit and greens
Brown rice and pasta, lentils, beans

Eight cups of water every day
Help constipation stay away
And daily exercise is swell
To keep your muscles working well

But let's get back to poor old Jane
Who still was struggling with the pain
So in the end she booked a slot
To tell the doctor what she'd got

Doc sympathised with what Jane said
Examined her up on the bed
She put Jane's mind at ease at last
It didn't hurt, was over fast

When Jane had sat back in the chair
The doctor said she had a tear
- Or anal fissure, as it's known -
Both young and old are just as prone

To help it heal (and Jane was keen)
She must wash well to keep it clean
Warm baths would soothe her sore rear end
Relaxing her to help it mend

Now, if the pain is hard to stand
There's anaesthetic ointments and
Take painkillers but hang on - wait -
Codeine's not good - it constipates

Take paracetamol to aid
The pain that's like a razor blade
If sore, inflamed cuts make you scream,
The doc can give a steroid cream

Do not ignore the urge to go
Despite the fact it hurts you so
Eat lots of fibre when you dine
(The doc said that Jane's diet was fine)

The doctor told Jane that although
She'd had this weeks, it would still go
It often seems an anal tear
Will take for ever to repair

In time the tear should go away
But if Jane never saw that day
A GTN cream will repair
By helping blood flow to the tear

They operated in the past
If fissures wouldn't heal at last
But nowadays they'd rather choose
To give you creams that you can use