Zzzz

by Patsy Collins
^{(creative writers at www.morewriting.co.uk)}
Lucy stared into the darkness. She knew she was going to have another sleepless night. Just her luck, she was already exhausted and tomorrow she had to give an important presentation. She wasn't going to look good, not with dark circles under her eyes. Worse though, was she might find it hard to concentrate. It wasn't fair; the presentation was essential to her career. If she made a mistake or couldn't answer questions put to her, she could forget any chance of swift promotion.

She reached out and pressed the button to light up her alarm clock. She'd already been in bed an hour and was as awake as when she'd first got in. After all her late nights this week, she'd gone to bed early for a change. It wasn't doing her any good. She wasn't going to get to sleep for ages, maybe not at all. Eight hours sleep she had planned. Even if she nodded off right now, she would only get seven. That would be OK, she usually slept for less than that anyway. Lately she'd sat up for hours, drinking coffee, making up power point slides and writing her speech. At least that was done now. She glanced towards the computer. She couldn't see it of course, just the red standby light. Lucy switched on the bedside light, got out and switched off the computer. Whilst at the desk she took a quick look in her briefcase to reassure herself that everything was ready for the morning. Perhaps a cigarette would help calm her nerves? She smoked one before getting back into bed.

The doctor really should have prescribed her some sleeping tablets when she'd asked him. Instead, he'd given her a lecture. He'd told her to try to relax. That was easy for him to say, she had lots going on, sleeplessness just added to her problems. He'd suggested that Lucy cut down on caffeine, alcohol and cigarettes. Really, he had no idea. He didn't understand; she needed them. If she couldn't sleep all night, she needed something to keep her going through the day. The doctor had then told her she might be getting more sleep than she realised. He said it was normal for people to wake up occasionally. Great, obviously he didn't believe her, that's why he wouldn't write a prescription. Her mum, Lucy remembered, had been taking sleeping tablets for years. Mum had had a sensible doctor. Lucy's just went on about how she might experience drowsiness the next morning and the chances of getting dependent on them. He'd said there were ways she could help herself and they were better than taking pills. He even had the nerve to suggest she try to exercise. Fantastic, she'd come to him because she was exhausted, he wanted her to go for a jog! Lucy was getting angry. She had a good mind to get up and write a letter of complaint about him. Maybe she'd better not, that wouldn't help her sleep.

It was probably nearly time for her to get up, she guessed. She checked the clock; it was only an hour since she'd last looked. Lucy decided that if she couldn't sleep then she might as well use her time. She began to think of questions she might be asked tomorrow.

Lucy opened her eyes. What was that noise? On no! It was the bin men; she'd overslept. She looked at her clock; it should have gone off half an hour ago. She must have switched it off when she checked last night. She quickly got ready for work, arriving in the boardroom just in time to set up her presentation. There was no time to worry as the moment she'd opened her notes, loaded the disc on the computer and checked she looked OK, the first attendees arrived.

Lucy's preparations had been thorough. She delivered her speech confidently, hardly referring to her notes. There were no technical hiccups, no questions she couldn't answer. She didn't need to wait for her boss to tell her she'd done well. He asked her to come in for a chat after lunch. This was it; he was going to offer her the promotion!

"Lucy, come in, come in. Have a seat."

Lucy sat.

"Can I get you some coffee?" Mr Lewis enquired. His hand hovered over the phone, ready to place an order if she accepted.
"No thank you, Sir."

Lucy smiled; he needn't know she'd only refused because she was worried she might spill it.

"Now, as you know, I am looking for someone to take Dave Sheppard's position when he leaves at the end of next month."

"Yes Sir?"

"I was wondering, how you would feel about taking on the job?"

"I can do it, Sir. I've been working with Dave. He's taught me a lot and today's presentation ..."

"Yes, yes. I know you can do the job. There's no doubt about that. My question was more of a personal one. Forgive me, I don't mean to criticise you. You work hard, perhaps too hard?"

Lucy stared at him. What did he mean? Was he offering her the job or not?

"Maybe I'm not explaining myself very clearly. I would be delighted to offer you the position. In fact I am offering it to you, but I don't want you to accept just yet."

"Thank you, Sir," Lucy almost yelped. "I won't let you down."

Lucy stopped speaking. The last part of what he said had sunk in.

"Not yet?"

"No. I'm responsible for you. You've been working very hard and, to be quite honest, you seem tired. I don't mean you're not performing satisfactorily, you are. I'm concerned about your health and happiness. That's why I want you to think about things until the end of this month. I'll have a contract prepared. Come and see me then. If you still want the job, it's yours. If you don't then I still have a month to find someone else. Does that seem fair?"

"Yes Sir. Thank you, Sir."

Lucy nearly screamed. It wasn't fair at all. She seemed tired, because she was tired. It was nothing to do with the pressure of work. It was simply because she couldn't sleep. If her stupid, thoughtless, selfish doctor had just given her the sleeping tablets, that new contract would be signed by now.

She decided to visit her mum. If she gave her some of her own sleeping tablets, then Lucy could get a few nights' decent sleep. She'd be back to her old chirpy self and Mr Lewis would wonder why he'd hesitated.

"Sorry, Lucy but I don't have them any more," Mum said.

"Why not?"

"They stopped working. I needed more and more, I sort of built up a resistance to them. That's not all though, do you remember that fall I had?"

"Of course, you were in hospital for a few days after you fell downstairs."

"That was because I'd needed the toilet in the night. Because of the tablets I was clumsy and tripped."

"So you just stopped taking them?"

"No, I had to cut down gradually. You see I was addicted by then."

"Oh dear. This sounds a bit like the things my doctor said," Lucy muttered. It seemed as though he might not have been talking rubbish after all.

"If your doctor has given you advice, then maybe you should try taking it?" Mum said.

Lucy tried to remember what he'd advised. She hadn't listened very well. Perhaps she should go back.

"Hello, Lucy. How can I help you today?" the doctor asked. She'd been rude to him, but he wasn't holding a grudge.

"It's about my insomnia. I've cut down on coffee and wine in the evenings, but it hasn't really helped. Is there anything else I can do?"

"Yes plenty. Anxiety or depression can cause sleeping difficulty. Are you worried about anything?"

"I was, something at work, but I think that's going to be OK. Well, as long as I don't fall asleep on the job."

The doctor smiled. "Don't worry; you're already starting to get this sorted out. We spoke about sleep apnoea last time and ruled that out."

"That's the funny snoring thing, where you keep waking up? I remember you said that it's most common in overweight men. Obviously, I'm not one. Anyway I don't wake up, because I don't go to sleep."

"Not at all?"

"Well, maybe a bit. I suppose you're going to say I sleep more than I realise?"

"That could be the case. People often worry they don't sleep properly, then anxiety keeps them awake. A vicious circle really."

"OK, I'll try and stop watching the clock and worrying. Could I be ill though? Is it normal for healthy people to stay awake?"

"One in five people have some difficulty with sleeping, so it's not particularly abnormal. Illness can keep people awake, and so can some medication. Not in your case though. Smoking isn't helping, either with sleep or your general health. I strongly urge you to give up."

"I know you're right about that. I'll think about it."

"Good. Now let's see. You'll avoid caffeine and alcohol in the evening. Don't have a big meal too late either, or do strenuous exercise."

"You said I should do that."

"Exercise is very beneficial, just don't do it within a few hours of bedtime. Also, try to get your body ready for sleep. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, even the weekends. Make your bedroom as relaxing as possible. Don't work in there, make sure it's dark, that sort of thing."

"OK."

Lucy began to see where she'd been going wrong.

"Try and unwind before going to bed. Take a warm bath, rather than finishing off some work. Lucy I'm sure if you do the things we've talked about you will soon be sleeping properly. However, if that's not the case come back and see me. There are other things we can try, such as relaxation techniques or I could refer you to someone else."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Lucy followed the doctor's advice. Her computer was moved out of the bedroom, she took a brisk walk most lunchtimes, drank mineral water in the evenings and tried to stop worrying. Towards the end of the month, she began to prepare what she would say to Mr Lewis. She had slept reasonably well for several nights when she was called into his office.

"Lucy, come in, come in. Have a seat."

Lucy sat.

"Can I get you some coffee?" Mr Lewis enquired. His hand hovered over the phone, ready to place an order if she accepted.

"No thank you, Sir."

"How about a pen, to sign the contract?"

"Thank you, Sir."

Lucy signed.