No Ifs, No Buts, No Maybes - It's Scabies

by Shelley White

I had a bit of a scare the other day. I'd set up home in Mrs Scott's nice warm skin, just under her wedding ring, for a few weeks. She spotted me, worst luck, and panicked.

'Help! I'm covered in mites,' she screamed.

What a load of twaddle! There was only tiny me, Scabbyscaby, and a couple of my tiny friends, Sillyscaby and Sulkyscaby. It was her allergy to us that was making her itch all over and that caused her rash to appear on her tummy and legs.

After her little discovery, she headed to the pharmacy for advice. Mr Nowall, the pharmacist, is too clever by far. 'That's definitely the rash of Scabies disease you've got there.'

'Scabies?' Her voice rose an octave and she went pink. 'I've heard of that but I don't know what it is exactly,' she managed.

'It's caused by a parasite - a tiny insect called a mite,' he explained.

'Who does this know-all think he's calling a parasite?' cried Sulkyscaby, quite affronted

'He's right, Sulky, that's our whole purpose in life, feeding off humans and burrowing tunnels through their skin,' I answered.

'But I object to that term. Just listen to him now giving her advice on how to kill us. The cheek of it!' said Sulky spinning his head in anger.

'Yes, he's a nasty man!' Sillyscaby threw in. 'I'd love to get cracking boring holes into his nether regions. They look most appetising.'

Mr Nowall was spot on though with the advice:

'You need to treat yourself plus all household members and your sleeping partners.'

'What do you mean?' snapped Mrs Scott. 'Are you suggesting I'm having an affair?'

'Of course not. That's what I tell everybody with Scabies.'

'Oh, all right. But why does the whole family have to be treated? I'm the only one with the symptoms.'

'Well, this is because it can take up to six weeks to develop symptoms after you become infected. Close contacts may be infected but have no symptoms, and may pass on the mite to others and know nothing about it. That way the disease keeps going.'

'He's right about that, you know,' reflected Sulky. 'We're a crafty lot us mites, aren't we, Scabby?'

'Yes, we certainly are. We only pick the best places to live. We love nurseries and residential homes where people are in close contact. They're our favourite places to break out!'

'And we're easily passed on when the kiddies hold hands,' said Sulky. 'They're so affectionate.'

'Too right,' added Silly. 'And we're on to a winner if our victims are in the habit of sharing the same bed all nice and cosy.'

'Oh, I see,' said Mrs Scott, the colour draining from her cheeks. 'I feel really dirty. They're disgusting creatures. How will I get rid of them?'

'Who does the old bat think she is, calling us disgusting?' cried Sulky. We've seen some of the habits these humans have got - now those are disgusting.'

'Yes, we've all got a right to live haven't we?' added Silly.

'Try this cream containing permethrin. It should finish them off. If that doesn't do the trick come back for some lotion containing malathion,' Mr Nowall salivated. 'You'll show those pests who's boss.'

That got some of us worrying a bit. Sillyscaby and Sulkyscaby started to say their prayers there and then but I was prepared for a good fight. I don't scare that easily.

'You'll need several tubes of the stuff to make sure there's enough to treat everyone in the house. And another thing. Everyone who's treated should be treated at the same time. Don't worry, Mrs Scott, you're not alone.'

You're right there, old chap, she isn't. There are plenty of us mites to keep her company. Ha! Ha!

As she was leaving the pharmacy, he called her back. 'You're not pregnant or breastfeeding are you? You've not got a baby under six months?'

'No to all of those, Mr Nowall. Why?'

'Well, you'd need to check with your doctor what treatment would be best,' he explained. 'Oh and there's one more thing I should tell you. You have to re-apply the same treatment 7 days after the first application - just to make sure you zap the little blighters.'

I resent being called a 'little blighter?' All God's creatures have a right to life, don't they? With a bit of luck we'll find another dumb host before the seven days are up. I can't wait. I love a bit of new juicy flesh to get my jaws into.

As soon as we arrived home, Mrs Scott set to work. Boy, was she thorough. She spread that disgusting cream all over her skin, including in between her fingers and toes, under nails, scalp, neck, face and ears.

'Hey, do you mind?' cried Sulkyscaby. 'I can't breathe. Scabbyscaby, help! This cream is choking me. Where can I run?'

'Calm down, Sulkyscaby, there are plenty of nooks and crannies where you can hide. You could tunnel in her armpits or her groin. It's lovely and warm there and you'll be well hidden. Take care not to get stuck in the cream on the way though. She's used a whole 30 gram tube of the stuff so it could be dangerous.'

'Well, I think this cream smells rather nice,' Sillyscaby piped up. 'I'm staying put.'

There's always one, isn't there?

'Don't be daft, you silly scaby. Do you want to be killed? Head for her back. She's missed a bit there. And while you're at it, try not to let the punters see your tunnels. Keep your lines about 2-10mm long, nice and fine and silvery, not too dark or they'll spot you. Got that?'

'All right. You don't need to shout.'

'And don't forget, you've got to drive her mad with the constant itching. Make her dance about like she's got ants in her pants! That's always good for a laugh.'

After Mrs Scott had been coated in the yuck, they started plastering Mr Scott in the goo, too - and the kiddies. The little darlings complained but it didn't get them anywhere. They didn't even get to stay off school. Even the toddler didn't escape. They put mittens on her so she couldn't lick the cream off her hands but she wasn't too pleased about that. She made her parents' lives a misery mithering them to death to take her mittens off: she couldn't pick up her toys for the mittens getting in the way, you see. It was funny really - well we all had a good laugh.

Mr and Mrs Scott seemed a bit cheesed off too. When Mr Scott started nibbling Mrs Scott's ear, you should have seen the face he pulled. I suppose it was the nasty taste of the cream. He had another try. He's a glutton for punishment. But Mrs Scott had cooled off by then and said something about giving the treatment a chance to work. Shame. We could have started burrowing into him too.

The Scotts followed the instructions on the packet of cream to the letter and kept it on for the recommended time - at least 8 hours. If ever they washed their hands or any other part of their bodies, they re-applied the cream to those areas. That was so annoying. I could hear Sulky and Silly making choking noises in the squidgy stuff so I called over to them:

'Silly, Sulky. Now listen carefully to me. Run away as quickly as you can. Find a bit of skin the Scotts have forgotten to treat and lie low.'

But the poor little mites were stuck fast in the cream and bit the dust before they had a chance to escape. Luckily, I'm made of sterner stuff. I managed to survive a week to the next application of cream.

After the first application of cream, the Scott household became a hive of activity. All the clothes, towels and bed linen were machine washed at 50 degrees Celsius. That was to prevent re-infestation and transmission to others. If there was anything that couldn't be washed, such as large duvets, she put those in plastic bags for at least 72 hours. My other poor mite friends couldn't get out and died in the bags. What a cheek! I'll get my own back, you'll see. They can't get rid of me that easily.

During the week, Mrs Scott was still scratching like a crazed Dervish. I love making people itch, the itchier, the better! It starts off in one place - often the hands, and then spreads to other parts of the body. I like to try and make it worse at night so that it's harder for them to sleep. And I love to watch them wriggle after they've had a hot bath. What good fun! Soon after the itch starts, a rash usually appears. You should see some of these rashes - lovely red blotches that pop up anywhere on the body - but the inside of the thighs, parts of the abdomen and the ankles tend to be the most obvious places. So attractive in my humble opinion.

Mrs Scott's hands were as red and plump as ripe tomatoes. The poor dear - not! When some dirt got in, it got infected. She had to take antibiotics for the infection and put some soothing cream on for the itch. That'll teach her to scratch. It was nearly 3 weeks before the itch went completely. That'll teach her to try and kill us. She might have succeeded in killing Sillyscaby and Sulkyscaby but she's got a tougher battle to fight with me, the Braveheart of Scaby mites the world over.

The little Scotts were making their parents' lives a misery too. It's best when the little cherubs start scratching. Once they begin, they find it hard to stop. Sometimes they damage the skin and it becomes infected by bacteria. Ha! They're so stupid. That makes their skin red, inflamed, hot and tender. Itch, scratch, itch, scratch - it's a vicious circle. Then they find they can't sleep, you see, for scratch, scratch, scratch all night long. They drove Mummy and Daddy Scott nuts. Antihistamine medicine seemed to help them sleep, though, worst luck.

On Wednesday, Grandma came to visit. When Mrs Scott was helping Grandma get her Zimmer frame over the front step she got hold of Grandma's hand to guide her in. Here was my chance to escape! Grandma's fingers were soft and pudgy. It was so easy to settle down in between them and start a new family. That's my favourite pastime - tunnelling into skin and laying eggs. Oh yes, and of course making people scratch. I filled with pride when I saw my eggs start hatching after a few days. It made all my efforts worthwhile. You must admit, I'm a clever mite.

Fancy them forgetting to treat cuddly Grandma. Well, that's their problem. Tee hee! Or should I say, Grandma's problem now?