The ENT Doctor's Song

by Martin S Colclough
^{(creative writers at www.morewriting.co.uk)}
Think of the ear as a wonderful place
Two mystical caves on the side of your face
With passages leading to structures and features
But don't you worry ... no monsters or creatures!

Chorus (rpt. after each verse)
Malleus Incus Stapes,
Cochlea and Drum,
Put one finger in your ear
and then pretend to strum
Inside are the Hammer, Anvil and Stirrup
That sometimes get covered in icky glue syrup
These tiny wee bones known as Ossicles too
can't carry sounds when they're covered in goo.

At the back of the cave lies a secret tunnel
The Eustachian, where fluids and air can funnel
But sometimes this tube is narrow or blocked
and the goo can't escape and the ear is locked.

So then you may find that your hearing is dull
(That's when the middle ear gets too full)
So what's the solution? I hear you cry
There are one or two tricks that we Doctors can try.

The first thing we'll do is watch and wait
for several months and assess your
More often than not as time will reveal
problems like this will often self heal.

If that doesn't work, relax dont fear
You may need an op. on the drum in your ear
We'll insert a grommet (a tiny fluid drain)
Then whip off your head and take out the brain.

No No No ... I'm only joking again
We certainly wont be removing your brain!
The grommet in your ear will let out the glue
Your hearing will be great and then so will you.