Loneliness

by Patsy Collins

Loneliness is not just being on your own. It is not being the only person who lives in your house. It is not taking a long country walk and meeting no one. That is just being alone, in simple solitude. Loneliness is something different, something that lurks deep inside you, nibbling at your soul. It lessens and reduces you, until you become the nothing that your lonely heart believes you to be.

Walking down the street you do not hold your head high looking out for friends. You keep it down; you must not make eye contact with a stranger. They might see your despair, feel your sorrow. You don't need their pity.

Loneliness is hearing your name called and knowing it is not you who is sought. Another girl with the same first name has an acquaintance, a friend, perhaps a lover who wishes to attract her attention. To call her close, to talk, to be with her. Don't look round, no one wants you.

Loneliness is hearing the postman whistle as he pushes mail through your door. No need to hurry, you can pay that bill later. The letter from your MP claims he wants to know what you think. He doesn't; he just wants your vote. Did you look, hoping for a letter from a friend, who would write that then?

Loneliness is a chicken quarter and individual fruit sponge for Christmas lunch. A card that says "Best wishes to all at No.53 from Viv and Chris at No.57", you don't know which is the husband and which the wife. A half bottle of wine as a treat. A pack of mince pies in case people call; you give them to the birds in January.

You are lonely, and in that at least you are not alone. The widower who brings the Betterware catalogue, he's just as lonely as you. Viv who wrote the Christmas card is lonely too, she lost the baby she was carrying. Her husband is too full of grief to comfort her. The girl you see walking to the bus stop each morning misses her fiancé who has sailed on the Ark Royal, not due back before July. The new dispenser in the chemist shop has just moved here, he doesn't know anyone.

The friend you hoped would write to you, does she look hopefully through her mail hoping to hear from you? The neighbours who did not eat your mince pies, did you invite them? Those people who walk past without greeting you, have you ever smiled and said "good morning" to them?

Lift up your head and smile. Pick up a pen and write. Stop for a moment and talk. The world is full of lonely people, you don't have to be one of them.