Ok. This is really complicated.
I was out last night with my mum friends. al l of which I have a lot of time and respect for. They are lovely woman.
However, the simplest things started to pee me off. Even conversations about the usual ladies stuff seemed uninteresting and really couldnt be bothered. I felt ugly in comaprison with them ( not that I compare) I felt how I felt when I was a teenager, total outcast, liked but not really anything, and my opinions were nothing , pointless idoitoic coments. I felt like nothing. I drank one cocktail which cost 7 pound ( That annoyed me and it tasted like lemonade. Then a glasss of wine. had enough and came home. I know that this behaviour is me, and not anyone elses faut but I dont know Ive not had a social night out with friends in yonks and iam dissapointed in me. I had an idea in my head that if I could let my hair down on a night with good friends I wouldnt want to come home and drink my blues away.
I came home. Got irritated by him and made a few phonecalls. Even couples talking about normal couple stuff upsets me at the moment, until I gag and spew ( and Im not exaggerating.)
Thne there my DILEMAS. Should I really be taking this medication. My nurse has decided I should go on disilfrium. The longer I am away from talking rationally about my irrational behaviour , the more inhumane it seems. It is comparative to someone giving you citalopram. Getting the dose to a happy level , saying idiocyncratic things which make a lot of sense to you, but mean nothing to anyone else//than putting some pemanent glu on thier lips.
I personally think its my inferiorities that should be addressed before prescribing this stuff, How many other people are given it-. Then wonder why they are depressed. I thought we were allowed freedom of speech/
God images of Haiti float through my head and cant stop thinking about that poor baby.anyway, rant over. Fed up and dont think this is fair.
Plus. My ex is not only going to hold tha old drinking against me...the docotrs can also back him up on that one , even if I get better. Your not an alcoholic for 5 minutes , you are one for life. Then there are the mental health conditions. He will be using that against me. Either way there isnt a result and from what im hearing he so doesnt care about how low i go, that he will do anything to get what he wants. Huh and also theres the he doesnte seem to care what the children want-which to me is the most important thing. Ok, this isnt clear as my head is aching and ive still got a stupide cold. I just dont know what to make of this world anymore. I just dont think I should be on any medication I think I should eb left alone and left to sort it out in my own way/ Sleepoing forme seems to be the betst healer. justwaking up from it..isnt so good.
I know this was a big rant about me and my situation but I just want ed to seee what others think .