Hi John. my daughter had a baby girl,just 6lbs,at the weekend.. In the end,after all the worry,she had no complications.. the baby is fine and is a truly lovely little girl.. .... I have found it very difficult going to the hospital, especially as the visits have been quite lengthy. Its so hard to describe,I feel very closed in when I go in there..Thank god I havent seen a dr there yet.She has been kept in for a few days,so the visits havent ended yet. I did try to not go last night,but my husband got really weird about it,so I went in the end.I just felt that I needed a break from the place,but obviously I cant say this to anyone.I've been feeling very down some days,Ive been thinking of getting in contact with someone so I can maybe have counselling via the phone... it would be a huge step for me to do this though and I dont know where or who to contact, and it will have to be free, so that probably creates a problem right there... and the phone bill,where it would show up on the bill... all problems that make it feel really complicated
Depressed,Alone and A Phobia of Doctors
Good to hear all is well with your daughter.
Glad to hear at least you are thinking about getting some help.
Re counselling perhaps you could ask the Samaritans if they do this or if they know someone who does it. As to it showing up on your phone bill perhaps it could be arranged for the counsellor to phone you that way it wouldn't show on your bill.
Thanks John, well I still feel the same about finding some counselling via the phone... Normally by this time of the day Ive totally changed my mind!! I wasnt going to go to the hsp tonight... but He sort of made me. He's really getting me down now... I feel very alone, so maybe counselling will help... I havent heard from the Samaritans for a while... It would help a lot if thet made the calls to me....
All I can suggest is that you re contact the Samaritans. If you ask them if there is a local telephone number you can call them on ( not 0845 ) then depending on your ( land line ) telephone provider this might be free but the number might still appear on your bill. I presume you are worried your husband will see the telephone bill & notice different / strange telephone numbers ??
Hi John, yh that's what I'm worried about really. Numbers showing up on the bill
Have a look at your previous ( land line ) bills & see if it shows all calls, some don't or as I suggested previously ask the Samaritans if it is possible for them to phone you.
He keeps all the bills .... I did speak to the Samaritans about talking over the phone before. But it was just a suggestion then.. they did offer to ring me, and their number wouldn't show up on the bill. This would be perfect, but they can't guarantee when their calls would be... So he could be here when they call. And my daughter will be here all the time on maternity leave... Now I think about all this, it seems pretty hopeless.. They did offer to call me in a public phone box as well, but when I speak to someone about all this I want it to be totally private and not in the open.. Even if they rang in the middle of the night he would hear it.... we had a wrong number at about 2am the other day and he wanted to know who it was... sometimes I really do feel like I need to talk to someone though. Such a stupid situation!
Could you perhaps get a cheap pay as you go mobile. You could keep it switched of while others are about.
Yh I think that's my best option and what I'll end up doing.... that would solve the bill situation.. although I'd still have the problem of talking on it if they rang me when others are around... Sorry if I'm sounding negative, I really do want to do this, but I have to look at all the angles.... my daughter came home from hospital today with the baby, so at least the hospital is over for me...
Hi Rachel how is it going having your daughter and the baby at your home. Did anyone manage to get much sleep last night.
May I make a suggestion, why for now don't you start emailing the Samaritans again, so that you at least have this contact. Then perhaps you can start asking them questions about telephone counselling and how you might get over the problem of not knowing when they would call. You could also ask them if they know of any other organisation that does this.
Its good having them home and the baby is so good. She hardly cries at all, at the moment......... That's what I Think I'm going to have to do today, contact them. We've spoke about all this before, but then I was only talking about it and not actually wanting to do it. Maybe now we can work something out. Would be so much easier if I had the house to myself during the day, but that will come in time when my daughter goes back to work. It might be I'll have to wit til then.
01/09/2012 @ 07:36
You dont want to be putting things off - another month and another month and a year will go by
You need to break things into small steps and try and cross each line
If you ring the Samaritans then you and the other end are anonymous - which IMHO is just what you need right now
Try to cross that line by ringing the number and just listening to the person at the other end with the intention of saying nothing - they are used to that - then put the phone down - see that as the line you need to cross first - it is a big one to do
If you cross that line you can think of the next one or repeat that one until you feel comfortable ringing them
Then when ready - try saying something like hello I have problems - and if need be put the phone down after that
You can see where I am heading - just go for the smallest and simplest step each time - but do start making them or things will never change
You have the option of a cheap mobile phone but those 0845 number costs will mount up - but if you ever get to that stage someone will phone you back
You can also use Skype and remove the history afterwards
If you use email with them then you can consider getting another email address just for that purpose - like a google one - that you access online - and you can then use your browser in anonymous mode when accessing it
If you phone the people you speak to will not know who you are but remember they are not experts just volunteers and they will vary in how good you may find them - but they are a perfect start point
You should also try writing down some of the things that have happened to you - then burn or tear up and bin the paper - this will help start the process of opening up
So why not make that first call today or instead today put things in place like buy that cheap mobile or another sim or install skype
Or even just mentally commit to putting things in place since even that is a small step
One small simple step - but do make that step however small
As Nike used to say - "Just Do It"
I know it is going to be hard - but why not take that as your mantra "Just Do It"
I just want to thank you for posting this.. I must admit Ive put it all to the back of mind lately.. easier that way.. Im not in touch with samaritans at the moment.. Ive tried to take a step back from everything, although i know thats not the answer at all...
easier short term but not a long term solution
It will help you get through another day but leave you bad by the week/month/year
It can be the right thing to do now/today - depending what else is going on - but the danger is that the weeks/months/years go by and you will have a life less lived
It is not going to be easy and may never be perfect - most people lifes have issues - but neither is struggling on
"Just Do It"
"Just Do It" may well work 4 Nike, but 4 people suffering with a low bout of depression it may not b that easy 4 them.
No it is not that easy - which is why it is important to try and split things into the smallest steps possible so that something is moving forwards
Something even if very small is better and far more important than nothing - you have to try for that something rather than give in and stay stuck
Hello again Rachel and Shadow. It is great to see you both still posting on here.
I fully understand M222's approach, and I think it is very wise.
The truth that I think has to be faced is that depression etc does not simply go away. It stays until you can somehow,somewhere do something about it.
That might be medical treatment, it might be counselling, it might be changing your personal circumstances, it might be talking to a good friend....
(hopefully it is a combination of ALL of these)
But something HAS TO CHANGE.
It's as simple as that - sadly it's as terrifying as that too.
Depression is not the flu. If you are in a intolerable place, in an intolerable state of mind, it is NOT going to get better on it's own after it has run its course.
M222 hits it perfectly on the head. Small, tiny steps - but there has to be steps. It has to be a journey you at some point feel able to start making.
You can "thumb a lift" for most of the way. You do not have to do it all alone.
But you DO have to take those first steps alone. You DO have to find the strength from somewhere.
Don't know if you remember my journey. But just to remind you, I have been were you both are. I speak as someone who has got through.
As always, love and thoughts to you both.
Here is a step, a very definite step. well done to you both.
Hi Rachel, how r things going? No postings so maybe you are feelign much better or very busy with new grandchild. I hope you are doign ok though x
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